Hey it's May the fourth, and that means it's the unofficial Star Wars day. Since the internets is made of approximately 67.3% Star Wars content it going to be hard show you something that's never been posted online before, but I'm gonna give it my best shot.
First here's something that probably out there, it's a press kit or lobby photo of the Darth Vader vs. Ben Kenobi light saber fight...
I've never met Mark Hamill, but I had a friend who went to an Autorama where Mark was appearing and picked up this photo...
That signature isn't "real" in case you're wondering. Hmm, I think I need to watch for Mark Hamill in "Stingray" from MGM.
I did meet Darth Vader, Chewbacca and a Stormtrooper at Toys R Us on October 1, 1977. Here's what they handed out to the kids...
The entire Toys R Us giraffe family was there also...
Like every 70's kid I was swept up in the Star Wars mania, and for a while would clip any Star Wars thing I found in the newspaper. Like this Meijer ad for Star Wars figures...
I remember my mom taking me and a friend to our local Meijer before school one day when they got a shipment of figures. We were able to pick them right from the shipping box before they were even stocked on the shelves. Thanks Mom!
Here's an ad for the Star Wars Escape from the Death Star board game...
I never had that game, but I assume I wanted it since I clipped the ad.
Here's a unique ad for a free Super 8 sound 400 foot edition of Star Wars when you buy a movie projector...
Lastly here's a little bit of Star Wars legal news when Fox sued Ideal Toys over their Star Team action figure toys, and "Knight of Darkness" in particular...
I wish someone would upload those 1970's Star Team toy commercials someday. I always love to post them YouTube commercials, but I came up with nothing this time.
I'm thinking maybe I should have ran this post about "woman attraction systems" last week. It may have helped some hapless schmoe looking for a Valentine's Day date since most of these products are still on the market.
There's no doubt countless products out there to help the loveless, and one could probably devote a whole blog devoted to such materials. Here's just a few of them...
How to Pick Up Girls! is a pretty famous 1970 book by Eric Weber. As the 1980 ad below states it was even turned into a 1978 TV movie staring Desi Arnaz Jr.. But wait there's more, the sequel How to Pick Up Women is also available, and if you order both books 100 Best Opening Lines is yours free...
Not good with the pick up? How about trying hypnosis, or something called S/A Hypnotism to be exact. Here's a 1980 ad (with a 1976 copyright) for book called The Easy Way to get Girls: Through S/A Hypnotism, and be sure to ask for your free "3-D Photo Book' of beautiful girls. Personally I hope they are more beautiful than the model in the center of the ad. That's one seriously unflattering shot...
If the "pickup" and hypnosis doesn't work there's always a love potion. This love potion is "Europe's sexual breakthrough" and a cologne called "SUBMIT." It gets its mojo from"Pheromone Prime." The odd photo of the woman in this 1992 ad looks like she's trying to hide behind her own hair is curious. I don't think properly conveys how this "SUPER STIMULANT" is supposed to work...
Here's a unique one, a cassette tape that seduces women. It works through the use of subliminal messages, although obviously one must get a woman someplace to hear it first which may be easier said than done. From 1992 it's the Mephisto Cassette...
Lastly is a little something from a 1990's Johnson Smith Company catalog. First get back to the basics with How To Kiss With Confidence. Going only from the photo, part of the "confidence" must come from kissing someone who looks like you. Seriously, I thought that guy was kissing a mirror at first. Second is How To Pick-Up Beautiful Girls. I think I'd buy this over How to Pick Up Girls! you know, simply because of the "beautiful" part...
All this talk of attracting woman and love potions reminds me of a classic episode of The Twilight Zone called The Chaser. This same story was also done later on Tales From the Crypt, but the "Zone" did it the best with much better writing and acting. I love the Professor A. Daemon character and his surreal library and "glove cleaner."
Just because I can, I've embedded entire episode below...
I thought I'd take a look at the selling of men's fragrances over the past decades, and how it's changed.
Perfumes, colognes and aftershaves frequently use some sort of sexy ad campaign. My interest was see if I pinpoint the moment when sex was first used to sell men's fragrance products.
I can say with almost complete confidence sex was never used to sell men's fragrances in the 1950's. For example this commercial from 1957 for Old Spice aftershave emphasizes health and value...
I hope you're sitting down, but sex in men's fragrance ads seems to start sometime in the late 1960's. Shocking, I know. In 1960 Old Spice was still sold like this...
... and it's not sexy in the slightest. Then whole sexual revolution thing happens, and in 1967 we have a spicy ad like this for Centaur "Massage" Cologne...
I can't personally identify with that breaded guy, but I do like the idea of a beautiful and extra busty personal masseur.
The male in this next 1968 ad for St. Johns cologne is much easier to identify with...
The above ad demonstrates a sexy two pronged marketing attack that many ads like this take. First there's a handsome male model that can make one think, "If I use this product I could be like this guy." Second is the use of this product will make one irresistible to the opposite sex. St. Johns has helped the guy above snag three hot blonds - that's a lot of bang for your buck so to speak.
The Hai Karate commercial below from the late 60's is a classic example of the "irresistible to the opposite sex" marketing campaign...
I think that's still very funny today.
English Leather was introduced in 1949, and by 1969 advertised with this suggestive slogan...
Here's a entertainingly epic one, the very subtly named Jovan Sex Appeal from 1978 with art super manly fantasy art by Frank Frazetta...
...and the extra awesome commercial animated by Richard Williams.
By 1979 Old Spice got sexy with their bedroom couple advertisement for Musk For Men...
I like this two page tease from the makers of English Leather. On the left side of the page is a sexy model wrapped in a large flannel shirt with the "cool" Timberline...
On the right page we get the "hot" pay off with Wind Drift...
I'm strangely fascinated by the scenario in this Paco Rabbane ad from 1984...
The clunky soap opera dialog ad copy is a hoot. The guy in the towel must be some sort of wealthy classical musician. I don't think someone living on the average metropolitan symphony wage could afford such a fancy big city apartment. Below is the ad copy for easy reading, and print out. It's my hope this scene will be acted out in drama classes around the world, and might even become the next hot YouTube meme...
Hello?
I hope you sit on a lute!
Ah, the sweet song of the morning
grouch!
You didn’t say goodbye.
I didn’t want to wake you.
Who could sleep when there's a hunk with no clothes on wandering around at five in the morning, humming Vivaldi and knocking over furniture?
You have an ear of tin. It was Bruch.
And I’m playing it this afternoon
up in Boston for the Ladies of the
Noble Order of Sweater-and-Pearls.
What are you doing?
Lying here, thinking of you. You know, I can smell your Paco Rabanne. It’s like you were still here.
I wish I were.
I couldn’t go back to sleep, remembering everything. I wanted to hear your voice. It has the most interesting effect on me . . .
Maybe I should run over and read you
a bedtime story or something.
Or something.
...and end scene.
I hope you all have fun with that.
Jumping to the present day with AXE body spray, and their newish commercial that sorta reminds me of the old Hai Karate spots taken to a spectacular scale...
This BOD Man Fragrance Spray commercial has that "sexy two pronged marketing attack" thing going on. Is the setting a hotel? I associate an ice machine with a hotel, but either way this guy didn't break a sweat to get great results...
The packaging for BOD is curious. It looks like I might find it down the supermarket cleaning aisle. Maybe BOD could replace my bottle of Formula 409, and be my new personal fragrance. Hmmm, that reminds me of product from an old SNL skit that was two things in one...
Hey since I started this post with Old Spice let's take a look a current magazine ad...
Their ad agency has gone totally insane. Is insanity the new sexy?
Well let's close this post with probably the best manly cologne commercial ever. All the way from Japan it's Charles Bronson for Mandom. If you've made it this far, and you've never seen this before you're in for a real treat...
Hey it's 2013, and this is my first post of the new year.
You know, with the new year ending in the number 13 I thought I'd hear news reports of people stricken with a serious case of triskaidekaphobia, but I guess the entire media was preoccupied with the whole “fiscal cliff” thing.
Anyways I digress, a lot of people make New Year's resolutions around fitness. "I'm going to loose weight" or "I'm going to exercise more" are resolutions made with the best of intentions that are mostly forgotten by February. So to kick of the new year I thought I look back at a once very popular, but now basically kaput fitness system.
Personal confession time, I tried the Cybergenics system back in the 1990's...
My Cybergenics system didn't come with the entire array of supplements shown in the 1992 ad above (I wonder what's in the bottle with the eyedropper top on the very end). There's some high prices on that ad, and lucky I didn't pay that much for my system. I truly didn't expect to look like Franco Santoriello (the bodybuilder flexing in the upper right corner), but I figured even if it helps a little bit it was worth it.
Cybergenics was heavily advertized on TV. Maybe you remember this sexy commercial...
If you didn't like that romance cover model-like spot, how about a "humorous" one with a former SNL funnyman...
Where have you gone, Joe Piscopo ? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you (Woo, woo, woo).
Did it work? Well I didn't find any magic in those supplements that came with the system. The real key to the Cybergenics program was in the small 5 X 4 inch "Phase 1 Manual."
And more specifically the "Zero-Effort Principle" training regime that was covered on 15 pages of the aproxamatly 55 page manual...
What was the "Zero-Effort Principle?" It sounds easy, "zero-effort," but in reality it should be called "maximum-effort." This training principle is basically to go heavy as possible. You would first determine what is the maximum weight you could lift in one rep for a given exercise, and then work with 90% or 80% of that weight until failure. For the next set go with 70% or 50% to failure, followed with 40% to failure. In order to correctly archive this you'll need a spotter/workout partner, and a proper gym. Sorry if you were thinking you could do this all alone in your basement with a set of free weights.
Anyways the Cybergenics people were at one time making a lot of money off the system, and branched out with a number of different products like a "mega-fat loss system" called Cybertrim...
Wait a minute, the same model that was featured in the Cybergenics print ad is used in this ad too. So what is it? Did he use Cybergenics or Cybertrim? Hmm, something doesn't seem right.
The original Cybergenics manufacturer is no longer in business, but after a little Googling it appears someone has obtained the Cybergenics name, and it's back in some kind of fashion. I don't know anything about this "new" Cybergenics system, but as Mike Brady once told his son Greg, "Caveat emptor."
I don't know if you heard, but it's the 40th anniversary of instant stuffing. Stove Top stuffing was introduced to a grateful public back in 1972. Check out this magazine ad from 1973...
And of course, the rest is history. Soon people everywhere were quick to choose Stove Top stuffing instead of potatoes...
Seeing that old General Foods logo was one of those, "Oh, yeah I remember that thing" kinda moments.
Anyway, when Stove Top was introduced it didn't have the market to its self for very long. Almost immediately there were competitors, like Uncle Ben's Stuff'n Such seen in this 1973 ad...
Uncle Ben's Stuff'n Such didn't last. Maybe it didn't catch on since it was baked, and took longer to prepare than Stove Top. Or maybe it failed because it was called Uncle Ben's Stuff'n Such.
Although Uncle Ben had another bold new product back in 1973 up his sleeve, Uncle Ben's 5 Minute Rice & Gravy...
Rice and gravy in the very same box was probably a product ahead of its time. I still don't think the world is ready.
Labor Day just isn't the same without the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon. Although for a kid whose first day of school started the day after Labor Day it was the most miserable day of the year. It's funny how even misery can have a certain nostalgia now...
Heck, I think I'm nostalgic for those old Hickory Farms mall stores too.
Anyway a slogan used on the Jerry Lewis Muscular Dystrophy Telethon was "Stay Up and Watch the Stars Come Out." So before September slips away, and discussing Labor Day and old telethons becomes horribly belated, here's my take on "Stay Up and Watch the Stars Come Out" with this star-studded collection of 1970's magazine ads.
Look it's Buddy Ebsen for Soft Parkay Margarine. I think this ad is subtly attempting to invoke the country charm of The Beverly Hillbillies in which Ebsen stared. All that's missing is a dopey young guy siting at the table to stand-in for Jethro.
Up next is Barbara Feldon for Rockwell International calculators. This little checkbook & credit card holder \ calculator thingy went for $45 back in 1976. Adjusted for inflation that's $182.20 in 2012 dollars - and I don't think it's real leather either. Well I guess it seems like something Agent 99 might need.
Here's Connie Stevens for ACE Hardware surrounded by Ortho brand pesticides. The internet tells me Connie was the first to sing ACE's "Helpful Hardware Man" jingle. Only a few years after this ad was printed, Suzanne Somers would be singing the jingle on TV.
Richard Deacon for Thermatronic microwave ranges. Under Richard's pic it reads, "Richard Deacon star of his own cook show, 'Deacon Does It In the Kitchen.'" Richard Deacon is well-know for his classic sitcoms roles on Leave It To Beaver and The Dick Van Dyke Show, but I can't find anything on the internets about 'Deacon Does It In the Kitchen.' It's a show I'd love to see. However, I did find a microwave cook book he authored.
Duke Ellington for Hammond Piper organ. Duke was about 74 years old when this ad was made. The pose is kinda juvenile, but it's nice to know Duke was so spry in his latter years.
Elke Sommer for Kellogg's Special K. Elke was everywhere in the 60's and 70's. For example she stared in Mario Bava's Baron Blood (1972) which I've embedded below in its entirety for your enjoyment...
Here's George Burns for Tabby cat food. This ad is from 1976 when a 10¢ coupon was still a good deal.
Next is the sensational Joey Heatherton for Serta Perfect Sleeper mattress. Even though she's dressed rather conservatively I thought Joey projects quite a bit of sexiness in this ad. If you don't see it, check out this Serta Perfect Sleeper TV commercial and see if it changes your mind...
Sandy Duncan for Alive Support Pantyhose by Hanes. This ad is proof that having a glass eye in no way impairs your ability to high kick. So can we please put that old wives' tale to rest? It's 2012 fer crying out loud people.
Shirley Jones for Sunbeam. This is the only ad in this post that uses a word balloon. Although this unique word balloon has a curvy pink edge that you'd find on a thought balloon. So is Shirley speaking to us, or sending us a telepathic message?
The renowned Peter Ustinov for Chenin Blanc from Ernest and Julio Gallo. Peter says, "It may be one of the finest wines you've ever tasted." I believe him. He's a very erudite man that surely knows his wines. Unfortunately it seems "E&J" no longer produces a Chenin Blanc.
Last, but certainly not least here's Charlotte Rae for Mr. Muscle overnight oven cleaner. Well Charlotte is playing a character in this ad, so it's not an endorsement like the ads above. She's doing a great acting job in this ad, and especially in the TV commercial...
